I had a realization yesterday. A depressing realization. An overwhelming realization.
I have to come to terms with the fact that I am not going back to D.C. and I have to rename my blog. WAHHHHHH.
It’s not that terrible on a scale of truly terrible things, but it is somewhat distressing to realize that this blog cannot stay “Melissa Writes D.C.” (unless you want to call it “Melissa Writes (About Missing) D.C.” which is what it has become lately) While the blog’s tagline currently remains, “Words and works from both Washingtons,” the title is simply inaccurate.
There are several obvious problems.
For starters, I’m not in D.C. anymore.
Further complicating things is the fact that I’m not going back to D.C. any time soon.
And finally, let’s face it, Melissa Writes Carol Stream, IL just doesn’t have the same ring to it. It certainly isn’t D.C. It’s not even Chicago proper. Truth be told, I even feel like an impostor telling people I’m moving to Chicago; I’m actually moving to a suburb of Chicago. And I can tell by the looks on their faces that that just isn’t as cool as the city itself.
Anyway, as I thought about this and considered the whole blog-name predicament, I spent time thinking about this blog and why I keep it. And I went back and read every single post I wrote over the past year (which is what you do for fun on Saturdays in Black Diamond; every post had at least one typo or grammatical error, by the way). And I laughed, because I can be pretty darn funny (twice I ended posts with pictures of baby sloths). And I cried, because remembering is good. And then I read the “About Me” section, which I hadn’t updated since I created the blog.
I wrote it last August, before I knew that I would fall in love with Washington, D.C., and before I knew that I would stay the entire school year. It was still pretty truthful – I do love brushing my teeth, Thai food, and especially sloths – but it just amused me to think that I had no idea what was in store for me this year.
And maybe that’s what I will think next August when I look back on this time and remember that I was scared shitless (sorry, Mom) about my impending Midwest move. When I look back and remember how the prospect life after graduation — even with a job lined up — terrified me. When I look back and wonder why I thought I wouldn’t make friends. When I look back and realize that I didn’t need to worry at all. When I look back and read my blog posts and can think, “Well, that worked out fine and I couldn’t have orchestrated it better if I had tried.”
But let me reiterate: I’M NOT THERE YET. Right now I just want to curl up under a blanket and pity myself because everything has to change. And really, all melodrama aside, that much is true: Everything has to change.
Including my blog’s name.
And that’s okay because I’m clearly an unfinished work. I’m still being written down by a pen that is not my own. But I’m still writing, too.
I’m stuck in such an awkward period of waiting, a period in which Melissa Writes (About Missing) D.C. is the best I can do. Melissa Writes (About Being Scared of Real, Suburban Life in) Carol Stream might come out a little, too.
Then again, maybe over the course of the summer you’ll get to read Melissa Writes (About the Good Things in) Black Diamond or even Melissa Writes (About Good Friends and One Last Summer in) Seattle.
I’m being ridiculous; none of those names will stick with this blog, and I don’t know what will. For now I’ve started with updating my “About” section. If I know what this blog is about (and it’s not really about sloths), that’s what counts: It’s about the journey, not the destination; it’s about what changes in me, not what stays the same.